Words you don’t want to hear… or do you?

“It’s probably not cancer.”

When your doctor says this to you….

Well, it’s not entirely comforting. You came in for a routine check up, the usual advice about fiber, exercise, and weight management. And you get “It’s probably not cancer”.

Now you weren’t even thinking about mortality. Your To Do List is immense, and you don’t really have time to consider the possibility that you might be derailed with a series of traumas and treatments, or even demise. No way. You’ve got places to go, parcels to mail, correspondence long overdue.

So “It’s probably not cancer”, and you’re off to the lab. Some extra poking and prodding. Stay tuned for results. In a week. Or so.

What goes on in the mind in that week. “It’s PROBABLY not cancer.” No need to worry actually. But it COULD be. And who even knew it was a maybe?? Hmmm. What if it WAS cancer. What would I do? Would I be fretting about this deadline? or would I be off playing frisbee with my kids? or walking in the woods (with or without them?)? Or just sitting on the beach and watching the immensity of the ocean?

And if I wouldn’t be doing this if it WAS cancer…. then why am I doing it if it ISN’T?

Hmmm. Pondering whether I am celebrating this day as the treasure it is. Pondering whether I’d rather be ….. (everyone can complete that sentence!)

So. Those comforting (?) words bring life to full stop again. It COULD be cancer. The end COULD be near. This day IS a treasure. My kids ARE glorious, and every minute with them (laughter and tears) is precious.

And I am thankful for those words that detour my mind. I am grateful for a moment of full stop. Look around. Celebrate. Pause. Breathe.

A week later…. “It’s just a minor condition called (complicated and incomprehansible latin name with many syllables).” Aaahh. Fine. That’s great. I have a lot on my To Do List, and really don’t have time for any kind of traumas and treatments. I’ve got a deadline to meet.

What I learned today

Juggling clubs do not dent the ceiling.
or the floor.
When you juggle clubs, you should do it outside.
and not under a low awning.
Just because you can jugglie ONE club, does not mean you can juggle TWO. or more.
Toxic situations give a wonderful opportunity to develop patience, and compassion.
until you can implement Plan B. or Plan C.
Sometimes Plan B is very slow, and that gives you a chance to develop patience.
Happy endings are not all they’re made out to be.
Happy middles are the best of all.
You can’t really be a superhero without a cape.
and lycra.
A bicycle is ‘mans best friend’. Dogs die. Bikes are forever.
If you’re kind to someone, you’ll feel happier inside. all day.
even if they didn’t deserve it.
You can’t have too many flutes.
or juggling balls.
or patience.
especially with yourself.

Validation from the Glueless

This just in, from a creative colleague of mine…

 

I've had my fingers in something creative ever since I was tall enough
to peek up over the top of a table—and for just about that long, I've
been bombarded by messages about how worthless those pursuits are to
the people around me. My family still thinks everything I do is a waste
of time.

As many of you know, I'm quite successful as a creative type.
Successful, despite being told by my nearest and dearest what a shame
it is I didn't do something more substantial with my life. My secret? I
don't listen to all that noise. I listen to my heart. If I like it, and
it makes me happy, it's a good thing. If I don't like it, I figure out
how to fix it, and it's still a good thing.

I never, ever listen to anyone else's opinion of my artwork. I don't
make it for them. I make it for me. If they don't get it, that's their
shortcoming, not mine. A simple "I'm sorry you don't understand it" is
usually all the reply that's necessary—and generally all they'll get
from me. I don't feel the need to justify my joy.

Don't look for validation from The Glueless. You are your own
validation. Make things, and be happy.

Lisa
Go Make Something – http://www.GoMakeSomething.com
Ten Two Studios – http://www.TenTwoStudios.com
 

A Shoe On The Side Of The Road

A Shoe On The Side Of The Road

When I drive, I always notice stray shoes. Shoes on the side of the road. Shoes hanging from overhead wires. Shoes hanging from trees. Stray shoes that usually rest alone in some solitary, forgotten spot.

And I wonder when I see a shoe on the side of the road… Whose shoe was that? Do they know it's there? Did they feel sad when they discovered it missing? Or did they throw it out the window in a fit or anger? Maybe the person they were with had a rage and threw it out the window. Maybe it was on top of the car, and fell off when the car went over a bump. Where is its partner? Still in the car? Maybe the partner was lost long ago and that's why this shoe was discarded… All these questions pop up. Story lines evolve. One stray shoe stimulates all this mental activity.

Sometimes I think about the shoe's life.

It's a sad story when I think someone angrily threw the shoe out the car window, and their friend had to get home with only one shoe. They probably had been drinking, or drugged, and just out of control.

It's a funny story when I imagine the shoe came to life and ran away because it was tired of being walked on all the time. There on the side of the road, a life of leisure, no more smelly feet, no more stepping in … A metaphor for life, on days when I feel walked on, and just want to escape to a roadside oblivion.

Then there is the drama. There was a big fight. Maybe Bob slugged Harry. And Harry took Bob's shoe. And filled the shoe with stinky slime. And Bob made a nasty face. And he didn't want the shoe anymore. So Bob got in the car, and LEFT the shoe. Right there at the side of the road. He left Harry there WITH the shoe and drove away. Harry was pissed. He, luckily had his cell phone and called his friend Zim-Bob, who dame to pick him up. They drove off to Payless Shoe Store and got Harry some cheap shoes. Then they had a pizza.

And of course, there is the Shoe of Enlightened Communication. After an extensive dialog about a wide range of emotionally sensitive topics, the shoe fell off Glurg's foot, and Glurg, being as enlightened as s/he was, didn't even notice, but continued on in a spiritual quest for Enlightenment, which resulted in the loss of the second shoe (no longer needed in the elevated realm), which is most likely now resting on the side of an Interstellar Highway.

So. You think "It's just a shoe". Think again. It's a universe in that shoe! The whole of life. All the drama, comedy, pain and suffering, and ultimately… Enlightenment… All held in that one shoe sitting on the side of the road. That shoe that most people drive past every day without even noticing.

 

I am a LITTLE upset with CHINA right now!

Why? Well, because of PERSECUTION!!

Not long ago, Lobsang told us of a video he received of a Chinese soldier shooting down Tibetan refugees, just like they were little targets on a shooting range. Bang. Bang. Bang. Then, he sat down under a tree and had lunch.

Lobsang talked for a while about compassion and truly cherishing all sentient beings. Someone asked how to cherish that Chinese soldier. He pondered, and told us to remember that the soldier acted as he did because of causes and conditions that brought him to that place. Perhaps he didn’t have loving support as a child, or was tortured, or we can’t know. When it’s reallly hard to cherish someone that has done horrible things, he suggested thinking of the person as a baby. Suddenly that changed the whole feeling tone of the situation. I trey to remember that thought.

Then the SECOND reason I’m upset with CHINA is more PERSECUTION!

I was at the amazing Wears + Wares (www.wearsandwares.com) artisans market in Boston (which continues on Saturdays through December). On my way back, through the common, there was this group of people doing tai chi. They had presentation boards about torture and imprisonment in China of practitioners of Falun Gong.

Now, these 4 people were doing the Falun Gong exercises. A series of 5 Qi Gong exercises that are slow, peaceful, and harmless. Apparently if you do that in China, you can get arrested, imprisoned, and well, it gets really ugly… Visit www.falundafa.org for instruction on how to do the exercises, and/or political updates.

Seems like thousands of people have been disappeared for practicing this. I don’t really understand why, but Amnesty International confirms the persecution. Maybe it’s becasue millions of people practiced these exercises, and got together in groups to do it. (I’m thinking China doesn’t really like people assembling on their own.)

Anyway, I have been practicing tai chi for 25 years now, and have thought it would be nice to practice in China sometime. Think again Sister! It’s hard to grasp that my own activities would be reason for torture in another country.

So, that’s why I am a little upset with China right now.

Wii got a Wii! Whee!

or… Billy and Sue’s Big Adventure

We had a unique experience this weekend! The Nintendo Wii launched on Sunday, November 19. It is called the Wii (pronounced ‘wee’) for those of you who haven’t read anything in the last 12 months, which is how long we have been waiting for this day.

Well, our mission, which I chose to accept, was to get one on launch day. After the PS3 riots and shootings on Thursday night, I was wondering if this was my most brilliant idea. But, Saturday night, at 10:30 pm, Billy and I headed out with a car full of chairs and blankets, to the BestBuy parking lot.

We were not alone. We staked out place in the line with our chairs, unpacked our blankets, took out the backpack that Sandy packed for us, and sat there. Ahead of us in line were a number of bodies in sleeping bags and blankets, several tents, numerous lawn chairs, and some people standing and leaning against the wall.

It is amazing how many positions you can get into in a fold-up chair, none of which are comfortable for more than 5 minutes! Billy sat there comfortably draped in fluffy blanket, looking like Buddha playing a DS. (Maybe the chairs are more comfortable for younger people.)

About every 10 minutes, he updated me on our progress, which was less than inspiring. The lighting in Best Buy parking lot is bright enough to read by. Unfortunately, I had napping in mind, and didn’t have any of of my current reading (Wicked, No Time to Lose, Tricycle)…

When my body temperature had dropped and my nose was icy, I went into the car and turned on the engine and the heated seats and warmed up. also napped briefly. I looked over periodically. Buddha remained seated and calm and safe.

Back to the line. Well, a group of older adolescent boys and young men were playing soccer. A couple people were scooting around the parking lot on skateboards. It was a friendly crowd. A large number of people were playing their Nintendo DS (handheld) games.

I tried to view it as a trial run for a silent meditation retreat. That helped me not at all. I decided never to be homeless in New England. I wondered if the homeless were warmer than I was because they have cardboard boxes. Maybe they know something I don’t know. Next time… I’m bringing a nice big comfy cardboard box. If there is a next time…

I returned to the car for another warm-up, and nap. Suddenly there was a rapping on the window. “Mom, come over, everyone is packed up!!” Holy smokes! Had I missed something? All the tents and chairs were now packed up, and the line had condensed itself a bit, but was still linear and peaceful. My knee had fallen asleep, and I seemed to be a peg-leg as I shuttled our chairs and blankets back to the car. Then stood in line. It was 6:15, with a very light (thank you very much) drizzle.

About 15 minutes later, an angel appeared (in the form of Bill) with hot cocoa and coffee. The Angel and Buddha stood calmly in line while I drove off to Dunkin Donuts to use the bathroom.

The Best Buy people came to empty the trash bins (Dunkin Donuts cups and boxes, Red Bull and other caffeine cans, cheetos and chips bags. 50 people make a lot of trash on a cold night.) They explained the process. At 8:00, they would hand out tickets entitling the holder to a Wii. Then, someone would come out and take your order for Wii accessories. At 9:00 the first 15 people would be let in. Nice and orderly please! Then, small groups would be admitted until all the Wiis were gone.

What I wanted to know was: “Why did everyone pack up their stuff? Why didn’t they just pile into the tents when it began to drizzle? Why did I put my chairs into the car?”

Time passed. People became more jovial. We made a HUGE number of wii/wee jokes. OMG. I said they were handing out the tickets from oldest to youngest… that way I would be FIRST!! The color drained out of Billy’s face slowly.

Then it happened. the first 15 people went IN! Someone came out with a Wii. Everyone cheered and clapped as though he had just saved Gotham City from the Penguin! We all proceeded in peacefully, in small groups, and within 20 minutes, they were all gone….

The Target

Lobsang tells this story…

 

Lobsang was traveling on a train with other Buddhist monks. One monk was busy talking, expounding his knowledge, and showing off how much he knew about everything. His air of superiority and know-it-all-ness irritated Lobsang terribly. On and on this monk went, talking to anyone who would listen. Lobsang got more and more frustrated with this annoying monk and his endless puffery.

 

Later, Lobsang was sitting with another monk, having tea. He said "Wasn’t that guy so annoying… going on and on as though he knew everythiing. It didn’t seem to bother you though. Wasn’t it awful?"  The other monk said "No, it really didn’t bother me at all.  Lobsang, he likes to stand and shoot his arrows. It seems like you enjoyed putting your target in front of him."

 

So today, as I was irritated by the air of superiority of a fellow traveler, I realized that it was I who was putting my target there to be shot at. Once I moved my target, the condescending tone really didn’t phase me anymore.

Here’s a good attitude!

I have to thank my son for this lesson in perseverence.

He has been doing some Flash animation recently, and posting his short animations on a site called Newgrounds. When you post something, people dive all over it, rating it, and if you get low numbers…. BLAM.

Well, he put up his first short animation. It got BLAMMED. So, he revised it a bit, maybe added music or some other details…. BLAMMED again. [And for those of you with thick skin, this BLAMMING happens within minutes. The short little life of that short little animation is crushed mercilessly quickly.]

He went on to make something new. Put that up and sent me the link in an IM. I actually got to see it before it got BLAMMED, which happened within five minutes. My niece got there after the BLAM. She put the animation on her web space and linked to it from her blog. I linked to it from my blog. (Take THAT you Newgrounds stupid-heads!)

I started to get mad at those Newgrounds know-it-all-geeks. I mean, can’t they give a kid a chance? They are merciless! Were they ever beginners? Yeah, so I was wondering how Billy was going to take this negative feedback. (It’s so easy to be mercilessly negative when you’re also anonymous…)

I kept my mouth shut, and watched.

Shortly, he came out and said…. “Well, I’m not putting anything else up on Newgrounds until I get a whole lot better at Flash. I just made my own web site where I can put my stuff and people can see it if they want to.”

http://www.freewebs.com/glorgans_flashes/myflashes.htm

Now. Freeze frame here for a minute. What a strong, healthy attitude. What perseverence. What a clever solution to the cruel vagaries of techno-democracy. I, for one, am often crushed by the merest whisper of a criticism. Here is my adolescent son, BLAMMED several times by folks who have no problem writing negative and rude commentatires, and he just decides to go play in a different sandbox.

Is he a genius or what? Must get it from his mom….

Expunging

The human heart is such a fragile thing. It’s amazing that it drives the whole organism, when it can succumb to such silly infatuations, and be derailed by simple flirting.

 

Yes, it’s easy to love yourself when you are loved by someone special. Sometimes. It’s easy to reject yourself when you are rejected by just about anyone. Even the Dunkin Donuts people. I think, in our Western education, we’re indoctrinated to take much more notice of the negative marks, the rejections, than of the positive marks. And we are trained in offering criticism more than in offering encouragement. (There’s a new project for me Encouragement Education!)

 

Of course, it is ridiculous to have your self image fluctuate with the attentions of another person. The self is a boat on the samsaric sea of life. A strong boat that can travel safely through the storms of love and rejection (both are stormy).

 

Now, the Brain is very cool, understanding these things clearly, and so articulate as well. The flakey Heart goes ballistic whenever there is a storm:  a love storm, or a rejection storm.  How does one master the steadiness without being cold-hearted?

 

Good question. Buddha, of course, had the answer. All things are impermanent. Everybody suffers. Suffering is caused by craving, aversion, and delusion. (Bingo for Buddha on this one!) It is possible to stop suffering. (OK, I’m willing to work with you here.) The way to stop suffering is the eightfold path. (This is where it gets hard. LOTS of work and discipline to even keep track of those eight, much less PRACTICE them.)

 

Yes, I recently had major heart-storms. Love, rejection, confusion, senseless infatuation, unrealistic dreams, dashed hopes… the whole nine yards. I also caused major storms as well. It’s a two-party experience. Karma – your experience is the consequence of your actions. Sometimes it comes back atcha fairly quickly.

 

So, I was brewing with loss and confusion (poor me!), and no shoulder to cry on (OMG!!!!) when I learned of another friend heading into the tunnel of breast cancer treatments. Freeze frame. I remember that. Strength. Determination. The strong boat on a samsaric sea. Compassion. Perspective. Recalling the episode of chemotherapy and radiation put this Sad Demise into perspective. It is a spec, a tiny little brook in the river of my life, maybe just a raindrop.

 

The expunging ceremony is scheduled for Saturday afternoon, November 11. The expectations, wishes, foolishness will be shredded and burned. The lessons duly noted on stone tablets. Life goes on. My boat is strong. All are welcome.

 

This is my very first blog post EVER!

Jeez. I feel like Dr. Seuss, with a blog SuesNewsViews. It’s like the fox in socks. Would you blog it in a jar? Would you blog it in a car? Not in a jar. Not in a car. I would not blog it here or there. I could not blog it anywhere.

So, you are wondering, as am I, what is the point of this blog? Well, time will tell. Perhaps I will write some stunning prose, or inspiring commentary on life. Or, perhaps you, my devoted reader, will add the inspiration.

Blog on, McDuff!